I found a stranger today.
And we were as strange too.
Somehow the strangeness creeped into me.
I don't know why.
I don't like strange too.
It breeds of unfamiliarity but it cuts a little because it wasn't before.
And I've typed 'strange' too many times, the word even seems strange now. Like it ain't spelt right.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Bye bye Mary Jane
It's been a long hiatus. There is this inner self-debate I've been intending to pen my thoughts down on but have been bogged by seemingly endless exams and assignments. On a positive note: IT'S OVER!
It's a known fact that I'd choose weed over alcohol any day. Screw the legal implications for now. You see, I don't like to dread hangovers in the midst of the night, feeling the blood all rushing up the head and puking all over the ground. Yes I've heard of people vomitting after taking weed though it has yet happened to me. Maybe I've a better tolerance for it than alcohol considering that I've been smoking cigarettes for a decade already. FML.
Look I see where you're coming from, I guess. There are definitely positives to drinking, don't get me wrong. I've seen plenty of drunken good times with friends and it sure has brought people together a common 'mateship'. It's just that I'd rather chill out with my friends, smoke a joint and maybe order a pizza and laugh so hard just because it fell on the floor. Can't you see the appeal in that?
Hear me out. First of all, would you rather be like, puking your guts out in the gutter tomorrow or maybe feel a little burnt out? If you say the puking, I know you're lying, you drunk bastard.
Okay I admit that weed and girls don't exactly go together, unless you know one of those cool chicks who just likes to chill. But I'm looking for something more meaningful. I'm looking for a someone who can appreciate listening to Leonard Cohen in one ear and Dark Side of the Moon in the other.
Alcohol is mindless euphoria. Marijuana makes you see things in a fucked-up way.
I'm going to give you an example of what I'm talking about. I got slightly 'fucked up' not too long back. A mild, not over the top stoned I'd say. Ended up putting on some Leonard Cohen again and laid back on my chair with two feet propped on the bed and closed my eyes. 2minutes in the song I noticed something different so I went back to the 1st minute and listened again. 'FUCK' was the first thing that came to mind.
There was this subtle sound of saxophone playing in the innermost layer of the song. An almost inaudible solo hauntingly in the background in which the hundreds on times I've heard this song, I never noticed. Before you start to think I'm hearing things, let me assure you that I'm all sober now so I just replayed the song again. It is indeed there - the background saxophone. Now that's the beauty of Leonard Cohen and weed altogether. If I had been drunk, I probably would have just screamed and sing my heart along with this painful song while trying not to puke on the bed and gained no enlightenment at all.
Yes weed may be bad for you, but on most people it usually has a calming effect. Alcohol on the other hand is more often linked to people who end up violent. All of the times I ever smoked weed, I never woke up wondering where I was, I never felt hungover, I never got into fights and I never jeopardized my safety. Saying that dope users have dead beat lives is stereotypical. Hey I just survived 2 semesters of university with results Mom could go around boasting about - trust me, it's her past-time.
Been there, done both. And both have mind-altering effects. But for me, I would rather laugh over pizza that fell onto the floor than have my problems seem larger because I am too drunk to know or realise otherwise.
In short, I'd rather stand in front of the guy with a joint at a club than the drunk guy any day.
It's a known fact that I'd choose weed over alcohol any day. Screw the legal implications for now. You see, I don't like to dread hangovers in the midst of the night, feeling the blood all rushing up the head and puking all over the ground. Yes I've heard of people vomitting after taking weed though it has yet happened to me. Maybe I've a better tolerance for it than alcohol considering that I've been smoking cigarettes for a decade already. FML.
Look I see where you're coming from, I guess. There are definitely positives to drinking, don't get me wrong. I've seen plenty of drunken good times with friends and it sure has brought people together a common 'mateship'. It's just that I'd rather chill out with my friends, smoke a joint and maybe order a pizza and laugh so hard just because it fell on the floor. Can't you see the appeal in that?
Hear me out. First of all, would you rather be like, puking your guts out in the gutter tomorrow or maybe feel a little burnt out? If you say the puking, I know you're lying, you drunk bastard.
Okay I admit that weed and girls don't exactly go together, unless you know one of those cool chicks who just likes to chill. But I'm looking for something more meaningful. I'm looking for a someone who can appreciate listening to Leonard Cohen in one ear and Dark Side of the Moon in the other.
Alcohol is mindless euphoria. Marijuana makes you see things in a fucked-up way.
I'm going to give you an example of what I'm talking about. I got slightly 'fucked up' not too long back. A mild, not over the top stoned I'd say. Ended up putting on some Leonard Cohen again and laid back on my chair with two feet propped on the bed and closed my eyes. 2minutes in the song I noticed something different so I went back to the 1st minute and listened again. 'FUCK' was the first thing that came to mind.
There was this subtle sound of saxophone playing in the innermost layer of the song. An almost inaudible solo hauntingly in the background in which the hundreds on times I've heard this song, I never noticed. Before you start to think I'm hearing things, let me assure you that I'm all sober now so I just replayed the song again. It is indeed there - the background saxophone. Now that's the beauty of Leonard Cohen and weed altogether. If I had been drunk, I probably would have just screamed and sing my heart along with this painful song while trying not to puke on the bed and gained no enlightenment at all.
Yes weed may be bad for you, but on most people it usually has a calming effect. Alcohol on the other hand is more often linked to people who end up violent. All of the times I ever smoked weed, I never woke up wondering where I was, I never felt hungover, I never got into fights and I never jeopardized my safety. Saying that dope users have dead beat lives is stereotypical. Hey I just survived 2 semesters of university with results Mom could go around boasting about - trust me, it's her past-time.
Been there, done both. And both have mind-altering effects. But for me, I would rather laugh over pizza that fell onto the floor than have my problems seem larger because I am too drunk to know or realise otherwise.
In short, I'd rather stand in front of the guy with a joint at a club than the drunk guy any day.
Friday, October 23, 2009
99 reasons... not.
J: How much did you love her?
Me: (in a hearbeat), 110%.
J: No one should ever even give 100%!
When I said 110%, it was because she made me love like I never did and probably like I never would again.
Looking back I realise nothing's lost. I'm still where I am or even further than I was. Amidst all these years of laughter, moisted eyes and petty squabbles, she believes in me. That alone sufficed.
Happy 22nd, Jacyn :)
Me: (in a hearbeat), 110%.
J: No one should ever even give 100%!
When I said 110%, it was because she made me love like I never did and probably like I never would again.
Looking back I realise nothing's lost. I'm still where I am or even further than I was. Amidst all these years of laughter, moisted eyes and petty squabbles, she believes in me. That alone sufficed.
Happy 22nd, Jacyn :)
Friday, October 16, 2009
The image on your blog says all I wanna say too.
I DID MY FUCKING BEST AT EVERY FUCKING THING YOU ASKED OF ME. and you had to spoil it all with a 'joke'. YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM THE DAMN JOKE. Sorry if I can't be inept at everything. Sorry that I'm no superman.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sound of Words
Here is a little episode that don't mean anything, an act replicated a thousand times over the life of many, and yet that is to be one of the best etched to mind.
The sharing intimacy is my only form of expression.
The sharing intimacy is my only form of expression.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Stepping Back
I know no one is gonna bother about this entry cause from your P.O.V, it'll sound boring BUT I have to just show anyone who bothers...
MY DREAM MIXER
(if you even watched the vid, you'd see him pointing to his wife - his biggest fan. Haha now that is sweet, for the one you love to enjoy what you do even if it sounds bad.)
The player in the dark.
Why not buy right? Well it costs a whooping $799. If I ever get my hands on it, no one would see me for at least 6 months, alright maybe 3 months. Mixing music, is one of the best ways to shut yourself from the world, where the beats just suck the soul into the most unrestrained form of expression. Now I like that - unrestrained form of expression.
But of course every time I get lost in this world of mine, I've to albeit relectantly tell myself firmly, "Jen. DJ-ing ain't a profession, not for you, definitely not what Mommy paid so much for." So it's a hobby. Or maybe I'm afraid. Afraid of not being able to make it professionally, afraid the crowd would leave the club with distaste - because it means so much to me for people who has been kind enough to listen to my music, to like it.
One of my fears unfolded.
"The more it means to you, the lesser you'd like to admit." - Nat.
MY DREAM MIXER
(if you even watched the vid, you'd see him pointing to his wife - his biggest fan. Haha now that is sweet, for the one you love to enjoy what you do even if it sounds bad.)
The player in the dark.
Why not buy right? Well it costs a whooping $799. If I ever get my hands on it, no one would see me for at least 6 months, alright maybe 3 months. Mixing music, is one of the best ways to shut yourself from the world, where the beats just suck the soul into the most unrestrained form of expression. Now I like that - unrestrained form of expression.
But of course every time I get lost in this world of mine, I've to albeit relectantly tell myself firmly, "Jen. DJ-ing ain't a profession, not for you, definitely not what Mommy paid so much for." So it's a hobby. Or maybe I'm afraid. Afraid of not being able to make it professionally, afraid the crowd would leave the club with distaste - because it means so much to me for people who has been kind enough to listen to my music, to like it.
One of my fears unfolded.
"The more it means to you, the lesser you'd like to admit." - Nat.
Monday, September 28, 2009
That Don't Make it Junk
Out of the blue I put on some Radiohead tonight until it got too depressing so I switched to Nirvana then I got reminded of Kurt Cobain so I turned everything off. Isn't there something grave and melancholic but doesn't speak of suicide?
I went in search for a bag of chips and decided to give it another shot.
Leonard Cohen. His contemporary poetry fascinates me. He writes and just writes one great song/poem after another. I just wish I had a great read in hand but sadly my curiousity to know the ending won the part of me that wanted to savour every minute detail of the story. So it's time to visit the quaint bookstore at the corner of Freo. Soon.
Now screw the book and back to Cohen and cigarettes.
I fought against the bottle
But I had to do it drunk
Took my diamond to the pawnshop
But that don’t make it junk.
I know that I’m forgiven,
But I don’t know how I know
I don’t trust my inner feelings
Inner feelings come and go.
How come you called me here tonight?
How come you bother
With my heart at all?
You raise me up in grace,
Then you put me in a place,
Where I must fall.
Too late to fix another drink
The lights are going out
I’ll listen to the darkness sing
I know what that’s about.
I tried to love you my way,
But I couldn’t make it hold.
So I closed the Book of Longing
And I do what I am told.
"We end up crying. Because when we think about sad things, we cry. When we think about happy things, we laugh first then cry because we miss them. Right?"
- She whose words I'm oddly addicted to.
Anyway, :)
I went in search for a bag of chips and decided to give it another shot.
Leonard Cohen. His contemporary poetry fascinates me. He writes and just writes one great song/poem after another. I just wish I had a great read in hand but sadly my curiousity to know the ending won the part of me that wanted to savour every minute detail of the story. So it's time to visit the quaint bookstore at the corner of Freo. Soon.
Now screw the book and back to Cohen and cigarettes.
I fought against the bottle
But I had to do it drunk
Took my diamond to the pawnshop
But that don’t make it junk.
I know that I’m forgiven,
But I don’t know how I know
I don’t trust my inner feelings
Inner feelings come and go.
How come you called me here tonight?
How come you bother
With my heart at all?
You raise me up in grace,
Then you put me in a place,
Where I must fall.
Too late to fix another drink
The lights are going out
I’ll listen to the darkness sing
I know what that’s about.
I tried to love you my way,
But I couldn’t make it hold.
So I closed the Book of Longing
And I do what I am told.
"We end up crying. Because when we think about sad things, we cry. When we think about happy things, we laugh first then cry because we miss them. Right?"
- She whose words I'm oddly addicted to.
Anyway, :)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Missing One Too Many
I miss sitting in a SBS bus.
I kinda miss chicken rice.
Swensen's?
Home.
Oh god how I miss you.
I kinda miss chicken rice.
Swensen's?
Home.
Oh god how I miss you.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Bookmarked Stories
Remember chinese lessons in primary school where we were made to form sentences using words like 如果 (if), 所以 (so), 因为 (because), 或许 (probably)...? I used to hate them. Thinking back now, maybe it was a secret life lesson where the teacher knew for sure, these words would haunt us into a constant memory lane for as long as we live.
Now that I've learnt to form these sentences so naturally...
He forgot to tell us the answers with the questions we've formed.
Nobody can.
And we perhaps never will.
On a random note, I'm sure you've heard many say, "live for yourself", "be strong for yourself" and all. Even I have said it before but I'm having reservations about these phrases now. If one were to just live for himself/herself, wouldn't that be a tad too 'self-centred'? Therefore tonight I conclude:
We live because someone else needs us too.
Everyone is working/studying hard so that at the end of the day, we might hopefully strike rich. And then what? Truthfully there ain't much fun basking alone in your own success. Be it taking your parents for a round-the-world holiday, lavishing the love of your life with gifts or even donating it to some charity (which doesn't build gold taps)... My point is -
There isn't enough strength to live life alone.
Now that I've learnt to form these sentences so naturally...
He forgot to tell us the answers with the questions we've formed.
Nobody can.
And we perhaps never will.
On a random note, I'm sure you've heard many say, "live for yourself", "be strong for yourself" and all. Even I have said it before but I'm having reservations about these phrases now. If one were to just live for himself/herself, wouldn't that be a tad too 'self-centred'? Therefore tonight I conclude:
We live because someone else needs us too.
Everyone is working/studying hard so that at the end of the day, we might hopefully strike rich. And then what? Truthfully there ain't much fun basking alone in your own success. Be it taking your parents for a round-the-world holiday, lavishing the love of your life with gifts or even donating it to some charity (which doesn't build gold taps)... My point is -
There isn't enough strength to live life alone.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Flipping old lyrics.
Got a fist of pure emotion
Got a head of shattered dreams
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now
Unaware but underlined I figured out the story
It wasn't good.
Got a head of shattered dreams
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now
Unaware but underlined I figured out the story
It wasn't good.
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